So…Marriage, includes Love

I am in love with this man I married.  For the past 2 days I have been thoroughly irritated and I’ve been trying to get my head around what has gotten me so off and I finally came to realize that it was my Husband.  My husband came home on Friday from training and left again on Sunday.  To be quite clear, I spent 32 hours with my husband after not seeing him for over a month.  This Army life is getting to a sistah (yes, I wrote sistah and not sister). I’ve done deployments before and they were hard, but this stretch of training along with a looming deployment has me in a real funky place and the only thing I can gather that is different is that I am more in love with this man than the day I met him.  My breathing feels different when he isn’t around…I got it bad.

I met my husband during my first and only deployment to Iraq.  I often say that my husband was the type of man that I needed in my life, but not necessarily the type of man that I wanted.  I had big plans for my life and if I had not met him in Iraq, we would not be together.  He is 7 years my senior and a man in every sense of the word.  He has a sense of confidence about him. He commands a certain amount of respect by his presence and at a time when so many felt down during the deployment, it was his demeanor more than anything else that caught my attention.  We spent a great deal of time together during the deployment.  He left Iraq before me and I felt like it would be just one of those deployment romances, but he flew to see me a week after I got home and got down on one knee and asked for my hand in marriage.

I had never met a man that came so correct.  He taught me a great deal during our first years of marriage, with the number one thing being to value myself.  I learned from him that I was more than a cook, dishwasher, laundry lady, or even baby maker because he required none of that from me.  I grew up with the example that women take care of the home and it was somehow tied into their value; whereas, my husband taught me that I was his equal and he valued my mind and companionship more than what I could do for him.  It took a while for me to accept his type of love.

As the years (10) have gone by and we grow together, I have been his confidant and recently I have become his best friend.  I hear people say all of the time that they are their spouses friend, but I was never my husband’s best friend.  In that past, anything and everything he would tell me would be information that I could or would use against him in an argument.  Friends don’t do that to friends and I have learned to protect my husband’s heart and dignity the same way I would do my very best friend. I noticed when I became more conscious in my actions that he became more comfortable and when we are together it feels like home…no matter where we are.  He is more than my husband; he is my best friend and as close to me as my children.  He is my family.

So…my current state of irritation is quite understandable, considering that a piece of me is gone.  I worry for him too.  He is a Black man in the United States Army.  I never experienced racism while in the military, but seeing the military through my husband’s experiences and eyes, I know that it is a rough place to be a man like himself.  I worry that the stress is too heavy and that I am not there to let him decompress.  I’m not there to tell him that it is not all in his head. I’m not there to hold him. I’m not there to give him the comfort of his home and children.  I’m not there to remind him of why he does it.  I’m not there to show him that no matter what, I’ve got his back.  We all need that and I have found it in him and I hope that he knows he has it in me.

I have no idea how this blog post turned into this, but I never dreamed of a marriage like this.  Marriage, was a box on the list to check off.  It did not include friendship, vulnerability, and true genuine love. I am so desperately in love with my husband that the air just isn’t the same when he is gone.

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2 thoughts on “So…Marriage, includes Love

  1. U are a strong woman in the truest sense of the word. When I was abroad, my bf (now ex) cheated on me over and over, and still wanted to make things right. Out of pain, I used his secrets against him, and I don’t think I’ve forgiven myself for that. You are correct: love is vulnerability, and friendship. You have that and I aspire for that one day. Than you for sharing 🙂 it was inspiring. Cheers, the socalette

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