I just got out of yoga and I was sitting here trying to finish a post, but I can’t help but to write about the interesting week I have had. There are a number of things I could reflect on and be upset about, but I’m choosing to let the anger go. I once walked around angry without knowing it. I was simply existing, wondering why I had been done a certain way. I wondered why my parents made the decisions that they did. I wondered why my “friends” didn’t seem to hear me. I wondered why the person I was with didn’t love me properly. I wondered why my health had failed me. I was a victim at every turn.
Those that loved me and could see through all the hurt and pain made a choice to see me through it. I am thankful. The reality is that I just got to the other side a few years ago. I made a conscious decision that I needed help. I sat in a therapist’s office guarded and after a few sessions started to come out of this cloud. I continued to go to therapy until last year because my old therapist left and the new one and I didn’t gel well. I read a book by Thich Nhat Hanh about healing the soul and started practicing meditation and yoga. I made the hardest decision of my life to cut off contact with my father who was a huge source of my resentment and anger. I started reflecting on how I made decisions and how my actions were the cause of certain things. I stopped blaming others and started really looking at myself. I did the work and continue to do the work. I cry often. I apologize even more than that when I am wrong. I somehow became an empath along the way. If you know me on a deeper level, you would no that I was the girl who NEVER cried, hardly apologized and could care less about the other person’s point of view. Funny, how things change.
I fall short a lot. I don’t always make the right decisions, but I know in my heart that my intentions are typically pure. Recently, I have been told that I was something other than I put out into the universe and the funniest part about it is that at every turn I was in this persons corner encouraging others to give her some time and that she obviously must be going through something. At every single turn I made a point of acknowledging her negativity amongst friends while also reiterating that her demeanor was a facade and what she really needed was time to build trust. I saw myself and a dear friend that I lost about 5 years ago in her. However, I think I saw in this person something that I am so far removed from that there was no possibility of friendship. That’s not a slight to her, that’s just being honest with myself. I wrote about this a while back and I guess it was a bit of foreshadowing on my part. My heart is heavy, but my conscious is clear. Everyone isn’t meant to see things from your point of view and you can’t make everyone your friend.
On a positive note, I still believe in sisterhood and friendship. I just know now that I won’t be politicking for a person who sees negativity in everything, loves being shady, and throws out subliminal messages on the Internet. I’m done son.
Love and light y’all.