Lessons from my Father

I needed a little break from writing. My energy has been so off lately. Not sure if it was the new moon or bad vibes, but I haven’t been in a good space.  I think I was a bit off because I’ve been doing this whole adult thing. Oh my word, no one tells you it’s going to be so hard.

Last week wasn’t a total bust though. I think it was Wednesday, but I’m not sure, I found myself calling my father. Funny how the universe works sometimes. He was happy to hear my voice and actually let me talk. I didn’t realize how much I had pushed down inside of me until I began to cry. I told my dad about the incident at the school with my daughter. I thought he would…well, I don’t know exactly what I thought he would do or say, but I didn’t expect the reaction I got. After I was done, he commented on how racism is a part of education and was a part of his education. He let me know that he intentionally sacrificed to send me to the school I went to because he didn’t want me to receive the same education. He then said something so eloquent that I think about it daily now. He said:

When I was in school, I had no images of myself. No history of myself. I was invisible, which is racist within itself. In a sense, it teaches you that you’re not a part of the story. You’re not human. You’re something else. One of my biggest regrets in life is that I hit my children. Spankings, hitting your children, is like stripping them of their humanity too. When you violate someones personal space or their person, you’re taking their humanity away. When you can look at someone as not human, then you can mistreat them. When a person believes they are not worthy of being treated like a human being, then they are lost, broken, without value. It’s quite easy to send that kid to prison or treat them sub-par because they aren’t human to you. People treat us that way and then because we’ve internalized that treatment, we turn around and treat our own children that way…then the cycle continues. The blessing is that you let Olivia know she is of value. You don’t strip her of her humanity. No matter what, she comes from a home of love. No one can break her because you all are there to build her up. Stay the course. You and your husband are doing an excellent job. She is in good hands.

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Apologies come in all shapes and sizes, but in my heart, this was an apology from my father. He admitted he was wrong for hitting me and that is worth more than I think he or anyone else will ever know. He also complimented my parenting style, which was pretty freaking awesome! We look back on our lives and wonder why certain things happen. We question why and then it all comes full circle.

So…for every person in my family who came before me, my ancestors who felt that they were less than human, those who were stripped of their humanity, beaten, bruised, and abused, it ends with me.

One of my favorite authors, Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, that just like genes carry from one generation to the next, so does hurt and spiritual pain. When one can heal from his or her past hurt they can also heal those that came before them. It made sense to me then and it makes even more sense to me now. What an awesome gift to give my children and grandchildren. I have my dad to thank for reminding me.

Love and light y’all.

 

 

Season of being the Volunteer Mom

Every Monday and Tuesday I volunteer at my children’s school. I am both happy and sad to have reached this point in motherhood. My children are old enough to get themselves dressed, poorly brush their teeth, and use the bathroom without me being involved. I’ve reached the promise land!

The promise land comes with new responsibilities and one of those includes volunteering in your child’s class. Yes, I’m THAT mom. I’m not like a PTA mom, but I am the mom who can’t quite let go. In fact, I stay as far away from the PTA as I can. I just want to be involved in the classroom where my children actually spend the majority of their time. I may have a ton of complaints about this small city, but one of the best things is how much people are allowed to be involved. You can volunteer for almost anything and if you choose wisely, you won’t even have to deal with the whole mom clique shit. I thoroughly enjoy walking thru the school hallways to the sound of little voices saying, “hi Mrs. Hanson” or “guess what I did last weekend Mrs. Hanson”. It’s pretty nice.

The best part is that you get to know the children and they are some of the most honest human beings you will ever come into contact with. I’ve been told some of the craziest things by the kids in Kindergarten. This week I asked a girl how she was doing and she said, “I’m okay, well I’m not, my mom took me to urgent care last weekend and now I have to have surgery because I snore like a man”. I didn’t quite know how to answer that, so I just told her that I hope she felt better. During the Valentine’s party, one little boy asked me if I liked wine. I thought I heard him wrong, but he repeated himself and asked me if I liked white or red. What’s a mom to do except to answer, so I told him I liked red, but preferred wine. I thought it would be too much to tell him that I was actually a whisky girl. I get some of the best advice from Kindergarten boys who have advised me that I should start baking with my son because “he would love that very much”. I tried it and they were absolutely correct.

If you read my blogs, it is quite clear that I am in a season of gratitude. So…I am pretty damn grateful to have the ability to volunteer at the kids school. My children have lucked up with teachers I actually like. I enjoy being there. It warms my heart to see their faces and to hear their stories. It’s also nice knowing that whatever I say, do, or drink will be brought up at school by my child one day. It makes me think before I speak, do or drink. Heaven forbid my child go to school discussing guns or war, already happened.  With each season of motherhood I am finding that there is something so beautiful about being a mom. Now, I just need to figure out the beauty in my daughter starting puberty. I’m sure there is something, but I could do without the attitude at the moment. What are you thankful about in this season in your life?

Love and light y’all.

A little honesty and reflection

I just got out of yoga and I was sitting here trying to finish a post, but I can’t help but to write about the interesting week I have had. There are a number of things I could reflect on and be upset about, but I’m choosing to let the anger go. I once walked around angry without knowing it. I was simply existing, wondering why I had been done a certain way. I wondered why my parents made the decisions that they did. I wondered why my “friends” didn’t seem to hear me. I wondered why the person I was with didn’t love me properly. I wondered why my health had failed me. I was a victim at every turn.

Those that loved me and could see through all the hurt and pain made a choice to see me through it. I am thankful. The reality is that I just got to the other side a few years ago. I made a conscious decision that I needed help. I sat in a therapist’s office guarded and after a few sessions started to come out of this cloud. I continued to go to therapy until last year because my old therapist left and the new one and I didn’t gel well. I read a book by Thich Nhat Hanh about healing the soul and started practicing meditation and yoga. I made the hardest decision of my life to cut off contact with my father who was a huge source of my resentment and anger. I started reflecting on how I made decisions and how my actions were the cause of certain things. I stopped blaming others and started really looking at myself. I did the work and continue to do the work. I cry often. I apologize even more than that when I am wrong. I somehow became an empath along the way. If you know me on a deeper level, you would no that I was the girl who NEVER cried, hardly apologized and could care less about the other person’s point of view. Funny, how things change.

I fall short a lot. I don’t always make the right decisions, but I know in my heart that my intentions are typically pure. Recently, I have been told that I was something other than I put out into the universe and the funniest part about it is that at every turn I was in this persons corner encouraging others to give her some time and that she obviously must be going through something. At every single turn I made a point of acknowledging her negativity amongst friends while also reiterating that her demeanor was a facade and what she really needed was time to build trust. I saw myself and a dear friend that I lost about 5 years ago in her. However, I think I saw in this person something that I am so far removed from that there was no possibility of friendship. That’s not a slight to her, that’s just being honest with myself. I wrote about this a while back and I guess it was a bit of foreshadowing on my part. My heart is heavy, but my conscious is clear. Everyone isn’t meant to see things from your point of view and you can’t make everyone your friend.

On a positive note, I still believe in sisterhood and friendship. I just know now that I won’t be politicking for a person who sees negativity in everything, loves being shady, and throws out subliminal messages on the Internet. I’m done son.

Love and light y’all.

Cultural Insensitivity?

There are so many things that come along with being the only black stay at-home mother in the suburbs. One has to deal with the occasional Trump bumper sticker sighting, the comments about your daughters “crazy”hair, or the weird looks you may get when people see your family actually has a father attached to it. I’m joking…kind of, but there are little things that happen and sometimes you have to make the decision to either react or be quiet. Fortunately, I have a few friends that are in the same boat as me and we bounce things off of each other to see if we should react or just let it go. Most of the time, we just need a sounding board or a place where we can be comfortable to ask the hard questions that deal with race.

Insert my good friend who lives in a very small town in Massachusetts. I’m living in urban luxury compared to her. While my little city is about 4% Black, her city is 1 percent Black. Basically, she is the Black population. For the most part, she has been able to maneuver quite well. The town is friendly. She is involved in the PTO, local church, and community. She has made friends and race had not been an issue until a few days ago. Her daughter was assigned a heritage project for school and was instructed to pick a country of origin to research. I should point out that my good friend is married to a very nice White man and decided that this would be a great assignment to highlight both parts of her daughter’s background. Here comes the problem.

My friend’s family, like mine, is from New Orleans, LA. Everyone knows that New Orleans and the whole damn state of Louisiana is bursting at the seams with culture. When my friend pointed out that they would be doing their assignment on France (her husband’s family) and Louisiana Creoles (her family), the teacher suggested that they only do her husband’s side of the family since there was an actual foreign country to pick. The teacher then proceeded to tell her that “Louisiana Creole” was not a particular heritage, but instead a language or dialect.

First, let me point out how insensitive it is to discount what one may think is their heritage. Next, African Americans (Black people) typically don’t have a country of origin. Africa is a very large continent and we cannot pick one particular country because we do not know where our families were stolen from. What we do know, is that we come from very strong blood lines because we are still here and that alone is something to be proud of.  For one second, imagine all that those Africans who first came here went thru, then those who survived slavery, then those who survived the Civil War and Reconstruction, then those who survived Jim Crow or the Great Migration, then the Civil Rights Movement and up until now. There is so much to be proud of. We also know that we had a hand in building this country, so we have a right to use this country as our origin and whatever subculture our ancestors may be a part of. It is incredibly insensitive to demand that one pick a foreign country, when there is no country to pick.

While listening to my very good friend tell me this story, I heard the hurt in her voice. She was less angry about the whole country insistence and more angry about her children having to choose between their two backgrounds. Because I am not in an interracial marriage, she pointed out a few things that I didn’t realize. I did not realize how often people try to put her and her family in a box according to their comfort. I also did not realize how people often lessen her value in their marriage. She is perceived as this poor black women without culture who lucked up and found this white man. Perception dictates that she has somehow been saved from the depths of the ghetto and she should welcome leaving that all behind. I almost questioned the validity of that last statement until she pointed out to me that my family would not have been asked to simply leave out one members background. I firmly believe the teacher would have handled a family like mine much differently and that makes me sad and more aware.

After letting her vent, I took the time to be a friend and tell her that in this country people simply don’t know. Ignorance is one of the many cancers of society and instead of getting angry, she should educate the teacher about her background. I doubt a number of people outside of Louisiana know about Louisiana Creoles. There are so many good lessons to be learned from this situation. The assignment teaches her daughter about her culture as it relates to her father and mother. The children and teacher  will learn about something that is never taught in textbooks. The whole situation teaches my friend to always stand up for what she believes in and that is the most important lesson for her and her children.

Overall, the lesson is to be open. People are going to be ignorant. Most of the time it isn’t because they are mean, it is simply because they don’t know. When we close ourselves off from people because they don’t understand us, there will be no progress. Likewise, when we are insensitive, dismissive, or unwilling to learn about our differences, there will be no progress. As a people and simply as human beings we should always strive to move forward.

Be open to dialogue. Don’t shy away from conversations about race. Be kind.

Love and light y’all.

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year…Again

Wow, it is hard to believe that the last time I entered this blog was a full year ago. I kind of took a very serious break from many forms of social media. I wanted to refocus the time that I spent in these areas on my family, but mostly on my husband. After he came home from his deployment, I think it was important to me to make an effort on my part to consciously add him back into our lives. One of the major issues that plague military families is the balance between life while your spouse is a away and life when they return. The last deployment was my husband’s third. I was with him on the first deployment and the second deployment almost ruined our marriage. We both did not know how to balance his coming home. He did not know where to fit in and I continued living as if he had never came home. I am thankful we got over that rough patch, but I am even more thankful that this last deployment was living proof that we learned from our mistakes.

So…he’s been home for over a year now and it’s time for me to return. I kind of laugh typing that last sentence. I am known for starting and stopping a many of projects; however, I’ve written this one down. If you write it down on a piece of paper, then it will more than likely happen, right?

Right! It will happen and with the New Year comes new hopes, dreams, and possibilities that can and will be achieved. My most important goal for the New Year is to write. I want to write like my life depended on it. While I have a few fears, writing is the one that keeps me up at night. Writing haunts me. It is always watching. It is always standing around a corner peeking in with eyes of judgement. It is the one thing that opens my heart and flows through me. It is when I am most honest and it is when I am most vulnerable. It is me.

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betterlatethannever4happiness.wordpress.com

I believe in New Year’s resolutions or maybe New Year intentions. My intention is to be me and all that entails. My intensions are:

1. Attend yoga at least 3 times a week

2. Learn how to design in Adobe or find somebody who can (sign-up for a class)

3. Launch my crazy ideas/designs (look at that, I’m too afraid to write them in detail)

4. Let my daughter be her own damn self (why do I struggle with that?)

5. Nourish my son’s passion of art (sign him up for art camp in the spring)

6. Call my mother more (at least three times a week)

7. Love my brothers without judgement (a loved ones addiction and distance are difficult to get over, but I am trying)

8. Listen to my cousin in all her hippie wisdom (be open to things I do not know)

9. Make an effort to communicate with my father once a week (figure out if I have healed)

10. Make a mala

11. Read at least seven books (one cannot write if they do not read)

12. Save more money (beasted this goal last year, but then I got a tummy tuck, lol)

13. Love my husband without fear (stop comparing him to my past hurt)

14. Nourish friendships lost and gained in 2015 (deal with my PTSD)

15. Listen

16. Write, write, and write

That’s it! Not a very long list and not a list that cannot be done.  What are some of your’s?  My hope is that everyone achieves growth and joy in the New Year. Until next time…

Love and light y’all.

 

Happy New Year!

Wow, it has been an extremely long time since I’ve blogged. I kind of got caught up with real life and forgot all about this space, but I’m back here at my computer screen again with the need to download all of the stuff in my head.

First, my husband has been home since the beginning of November. I was very worried about his return. The last time we did this whole deployment thing, he didn’t return all that happy and I expected the same thing to happen this time. Well, he’s far from angry or irritated. He is genuinely happy to be home. I would say that he has somehow turned back into the man I met 10 years ago. I was expecting his happiness to wear off by the holidays, but it is still here and it seems like it is here to stay. I’m happy and cautious at the same time. I’m still not sure how to adjust to all of this.

If you asked my husband why he is so damn happy, he would say that he came home to a happy wife. I find that interesting because I never thought of myself as this angry person, but I can admit that my energy has not always been the best in this marriage. I can also admit that I am happy and it is an internal happiness that has nothing to do with anyone except me. I have made a conscious decision to be happy. It is very interesting to see how people respond to that and to see who comes into your life and who leaves your life because of this change.

Sooo…to catch up with everything that’s been going on in my world, here is a brief update:

1. My husband has returned from his deployment
2. I have FINALLY hit my goal weight with diet and exercise
3. I will be starting school in about another week
4. My son is in preschool and regaining his confidence (I’ll have to write about this whole ordeal later)
5. My daughter is still brilliant
6. I am contemplating reconnecting with my father
7. I sometimes wish we could have another baby or adopt one

That’s basically it. I assume there is more, but that’s all I can think of at the moment. I’m going to try my best to keep this blog updated, but I’m over the tags and such, so this will probably become my diary lol.

Love and Light. Until next time…

Friends buy friends paleo cookies

I have come to the conclusion that I have made a friend here in California.  It became official today when she gave me a real life paleo cookie, from a real life paleo restaurant.  I must be doing something right in my life to deserve such luxuries. If you don’t know what the paleo diet consist of, then you are more than welcome to google it.  After you google it, you will understand why this is such a big deal.  I follow the paleo diet for health reasons, not because I want to be skinny.  Paleo is one of those extreme diets that I said I would never do and now that I do it, I often get nervous talking about it because I don’t want people to think I’m some crazy fanatic who grimaces at the sight of Cheetos.  I actually do grimace at the sight of Cheetos, but that’s only if one of my children happen to be holding those bag of Cheetos.  Anyway, “Sharon” bought me a paleo cookie and brownie and I almost felt like crying.  It has been very hard for me being here alone and to know that someone listens to me and cares is freaking awesome.  It helps that I actually like her and her children, so she never had to buy the paleo cookie or brownie, but that just closed the deal for me.

 

 

 

Sleep and Sage

A few days ago, I wrote about my son having some trouble sleeping.  It seemed like all of a sudden he really could not sleep without me. I began staying in the room with him until he fell asleep. I made a point of not getting in the bed with him because I’ve been down that road and I really don’t have the strength to do it again.  I thought that in time, I would inch my way out of the room and eventually he would once again get use to going straight to sleep after story time.  Well, the strangest thing happened the very same day that I wrote that post on the blog.

In the middle of me reading some posts from my favorite bloggers on WordPress, I heard a horrible sound coming from downstairs.  Okay, this is the part that I disclose that I am afraid of all things spooky.  I don’t look at horror movie commercials. I will never go to see a horror movie and I’m low-key afraid of anything to do with cornfields and people hiding in them, so when I heard the noise, I kind of just ignored it. I ignored it because I didn’t want to go check it out. That is a man’s job and there is no man here, so the noise would just have to wait until my husband returns.  Well, the noise wouldn’t stop and I actually like my mother in-law who was sleeping downstairs in our guest room, so I thought it would be kind of me to figure out what the hell was going on.  Just as I was about to go downstairs, I heard my mother in-law get up and say The Lord’s Prayer.  After hearing that exchange, I immediately got back in my bed and proceeded to ignore what ever the hell was going on down there.  I’m too afraid of that type of stuff.

In the morning, I asked my mother in-law if she had a restful sleep and she told me that she didn’t.  She said that she felt like someone was holding her down at one point in the night.  She also said that she thought she saw a man in the room with her.  Okay, so while she’s telling me all of this, I’m thinking that there is some weird crap going on in that room because my mother was having bad dreams in there too when she came to visit.  On top of all of that, my son abruptly doesn’t want to sleep in his room anymore.  OH HELL NAW (not no, NAW)!  It is NOT going down in this house.  I immediately picked up my phone and texted “Sharon” and asked her where to get the sage. Thankfully, she didn’t think I was completely off my rocker and told me where to get it. Of course, because I have the worse luck ever sometimes, it was not at the store, so I ended up at this new age shop.

Have you been to a new age shop?  I’m not even sure that’s the right name for it.  It was actually pretty cool, but the customers were a little freaky. I could have sworn that one lady in there buying unicorns was high.  There was another guy who simply could not make up his mind on 7 different types of turquoise bracelets to give to his partner. The guy in front of me scared me a bit.  He just seemed a bit off.  Okay, so I pick up my sage and get in line and the guy that scared me a little bit is exactly $1.49 short. The cashier told him that he was welcome to look for another item, but homeboy was not moving. The little stuffed animal he was attempting to buy was for his sister and he was already late in giving her a gift. The cashier was very nice, but told him again that he would have to find something else.  Once again, he did not move, so I told him I would pay the difference for it.  The boy looked shocked, which I thought was odd because I’ve been in the store with my husband when people can’t afford things and if we can spare it, we always help.  Don’t most people do that?  It was ONLY $1.49 for goodness sake and it was for his sister. Anywho, I pay for my sage and proceed to exit the store only to be confronted by the boy I just helped.  He starts asking me if I want the gift bag the cashier gave him, he wants to know my name, he wants to know why I would do that.  I answered his questions, but I REALLY wanted to get away and told him to pay it forward while backing away in my car.

I burned the sage throughout the house.  I told my kids to ask God to protect them from things seen and unseen.  It is a prayer my father use to say in my room at night and it popped right up in my head when I started burning the sage in the kids rooms.  I’m not very religious, so it was a bit interesting that I fell right back to that. After burning the sage, I bathed the kids, read them a story, and kissed them good night.  The funny thing is that my son did not cry for me to stay with him and EVERYONE slept soundly through the night.  I slept so soundly that when I came into my room, I had no intentions to fall asleep. My plan was to type up this blog, but as soon as my body touched my bed, I was fast asleep. I asked everyone if they slept soundly and everyone said yes.  My mother in-law did not have any nightmares. My son did not cry out for me. My insomnia somehow disappeared and my daughter woke up rested.  Very weird, but whatever was freaking everyone out appears to be gone.

The Government Shutdown

My intent in this post is not to get political.  I’m not going to pick sides because I believe that is a portion of the problem.

Friday (September 27, 2013)

My husband is in the field.  We have not really seen him for a while and he is unable to call for about 10 days. I can’t discuss ANYTHING with him. I don’t know if he is or isn’t going to get paid.  I don’t really sleep because I’m just that anxious

Saturday (September 28, 2013)

I watch the news to see if they are going to come to some resolution. At the end of the night, I see that they don’t and the government will shut down.  I get angry.  I’m no longer anxious.  I’m just pissed.  I feel like crying. We’ve sacrificed so much and now they want to take away his pay too.  My daughter is crying for her father and the government can’t figure it out.

Sunday (September 29, 2013)

No new news. A rumor starts to spread that they (the government) is going to sign a bill that allows military to still get paid. Anger is still pretty high and I start to attack people all over social media.  In the evening, I decide that I need a social media break and start reading.

Monday (September 30, 2013)

I start getting messages that the commissary on post will be closed on Tuesday. I have given up hope that the government will not shut down. It’s done.  The government has failed the people.

Tuesday (October 1, 2013)

I learn that my husband will still receive his pay, but it might not be on time because of furloughs. I go into conserve mode.  We have some money saved, but there is no telling how long this is going to last. I refuse to sign my daughter up for more ballet classes until it is resolved.  We only need to concentrate on the essentials at the moment. I finally get a text message from my husband, which I haven’t spoken to in a week, telling me to ahead as usual with everything. I kind of take a breath, but I remember all of my friends. My daughter’s god-mother is getting some medical treatment on post and can’t be seen because of the shut-down.  She is a combat war veteran mind you. My daughter’s god-father, also a combat war veteran has been furloughed.  He just had a baby a few months ago. A friend from high school works as a firefighter for the national parks, he still has to work, but is not going to get paid. Veteran disability payments may or may not happen. The nurses at the hospital on post still have to work, but with no pay. Most of the people I deployed with now work for the government in some capacity.  They have all been furloughed. We, really believe in that motto, “For God and country”.  I’m not being sarcastic when I write that.

My Personal Thoughts:

I have struggled to understand the logic in all of this on both sides.  Contrary to most of the stereotypes people put on each other, I’m not a card carrying Democrat because I’m Black. I’m also not a card carrying Republican because I’m military. My voting card says, ‘no party affiliation’. I do consider myself an American and my voting record is proof of that. I don’t always vote Democrat and there are plenty of times that I vote Republican. I believe most American are like me. They are in the middle and are tired of the fighting across the aisle. Both sides are unwilling to budge and the very people who support this country’s infrastructure suffer.

I saw online that a man  put up a status saying that government shut down would force lazy people to find work.  I firmly believe this is the opinion of the far-right and tea party. My friends are not lazy and neither are the civilians who work in federal jobs. This attitude is mean spirited and makes your stomach turn. I also see posts online commenting on how women aren’t going to receive their WIC or head start assistance.  A woman on the news said she would be forced to drop out of school and find a job to pay for childcare.  I’m not being rude when I write this, but by all means drop out of school and get a job to support your child if you have to. The far lefts agenda by playing the sympathy card for people who I have in my own family who abuse the system is getting old and people are tired of it. I am all for a hand up, but at some point, sacrifices have to be made because of ones good or bad decisions.

At this point, I believe we all can agree that the system is broken. There are no winners in this.  The GOP believe that the Affordable Care Act is flawed, well so was the Civil Rights Act. The initial Civil Rights Act did not achieve all that it was intended to do and further legal battles had to happen to see actual change and guess who fought President Johnson over that legislation. I’ll let you figure that one out.

At the same token, I wonder if Democrats could come to the table and acknowledge that it is flawed, just like any new legislation or program and in good faith extend the time to work out the kinks.  It is valid. I mean, do you know how people without computers are going to sign up for it? Where do you go to pick a plan? Are there satellite offices? How do you make payments? Can you go to any doctor you want? How does it effect your ability to get brand over generic drugs at the pharmacy? How does this effect our taxes? Has anyone knocked on your door to give you the basics of it? I’ve tried to read the Affordable Care Act and there is a bunch of jargon that I just don’t understand. I’m being honest.

What I am sure of at this point is that this is ridiculous. It’s sad. It’s upsetting. I feel like they all should be fired.  ALL OF THEM! They are getting paid and when we choose sides, they are just playing us. We all need to demand that they do better and not get involved in their fighting.  They need to figure it out so Americans can get back to work and actually get paid for their work. I’m not satisfied because my husband is getting paid.  I won’t be happy until all my battle buddies and all government workers are not left in limbo while these adults that are acting like children figure it out. WE elected them, they work for us.

 

 

 

Volunteering, bad kids, and play dates

Today I went to volunteer at my daughter’s class.  I must admit that I was a bit nervous. I think some of my nerves came from having to take my son with me.  I kept having visions of him tearing the place apart and the teacher telling me that I was no longer needed.  The other part of my nerves had to do with leaving a good impression on the teacher.  I don’t know why, but I feel like I have to make a good impression on her and then she will be nicer to my kid.  I know that is probably the dumbest thing ever, but I still want to give my daughter one more cool point by being the super helpful Mom.  Of course because I was in the military or the fact that I live within walking distance to the school, I was 15 minutes early.  I was surprised to see the teacher waiting for me at the front door of her classroom with a list of things that she needed done.  The list was quite long and the list was not filled with things that could wait until the end of the week.  I mean, she needed help with homework folders, finishing a craft, working on patterns, cutting out stuff, drawing zebras, and making sure fundraising stuff was in order.  It dawned on me that there was NO WAY she could get all of these things done without help or without taking a ton of work home.  That sucks!

Volunteering at her school went quite well and I finished everything on the list except one little task.  The majority of the children were great.  The children are at the age that they have no filter.  They say exactly what is on their mind.  There were a few kids that were just downright BAD.  They simply didn’t listen and one little girl started to walk down the hall while we were painting. I asked her kindly to sit back down and finish the craft, but the little girl rolled her eyes at me and kept going.   The class has the size of 28 and it took the teacher about 2 minutes to get this little girl back in line, which gave me a peak into how difficult it is to have such a large class.  If she has more than one disruptive child, then she loses precious minutes teaching the other children. Being at my daughter’s school gave me a chance to see her world.  My daughter is generally a shy child, but recently we’ve noticed that she is so sure of herself and taking initiative and I think I know why now.  She came to that school knowing how to read, write and count.  She has nothing to worry about academically and her confidence has sky rocketed.  On the other hand, when I was working with another little girl who didn’t even know how to make the first letter in her name, I could see how unsure she was of herself and that she was struggling in the academic department, which in turn has her struggling socially.  The dynamics of Kindergarten are quite interesting. I’m happy that I will be going back every Wednesday.

Because today was Wednesday, it was also the day we do our science play dates.  Last week, we did the science project at our house and this week it was the other Mom’s turn.  First, let me say that this lady that I have met here is one of the nicest people I have met to date in California. I’m a little freaked out by her though because there is no newness to her.  I feel as though I’ve known her for a long time. The science project was awesome. The kids learned about air being in Ivory soap, which is why it floats and turns to foam in the microwave.  The rest of the time we were there the kids just played and I had the opportunity to have an adult conversation.  Again, I feel like I’ve met this woman before or she use to be on television because she is so easy to talk to and we relate on so many levels.  I don’t want to jinx it, but I think we may become really good friends.  The bonus is that we connect on levels that are dear to me like, motherhood, positivity, and just trying to be a better person.  She gets it and it didn’t hurt that she had African sculptures in her house and I think a picture of a Black person on her wall.